Supporting Your Child through an eating disorder

Oct 20

Having a child with an eating disorder can be simply terrifying. As a parent or caretaker, you likely feel confused, worried, and perhaps helpless about your teen’s eating disorder. Keep reading - there is hope!

As a mental health therapist specializing in supporting individuals with eating disorders, my approach is grounded in the principles of body liberation, body trust, health at every size (HAES), and intuitive eating. In this blog post, I aim to provide parents with valuable insights and resources to help support their child's recovery from disordered eating and body image struggles, all while embracing these empowering frameworks.

Understanding Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions often rooted in body image issues, control, or coping mechanisms. It's essential for parents to understand that eating disorders are not solely about food and weight; they encompass emotional and psychological aspects deeply ingrained in a person's sense of self. These are biological, genetic, brain-based diagnoses that affect people of all races, genders, ages, sexual orientations, cultures, and body types. The quicker an eating disorder is treated, the better the chance of a full recovery.

Eating disorders are not a choice, they are not caused by parents, they are not anyone’s fault, and they are not a phase. They are very real illnesses that require immediate treatment.

Recovery is typically a long-term process, and requires specialized treatment. That’s because eating disorders are multifaceted, complex, and are interwoven within every part of a person’s being, life, and identity. Not to mention that our culture tends to reinforce or even applaud them. Eating disorders can also evolve over time, presenting with different and changing symptoms.

Due to the potential consequences of disordered eating, it is necessary that this be taken seriously and, at the same time, don’t lose hope. Your teen is resilient and capable, and so are you.

Types of Eating Disorders (each with varying presentation):

Anorexia Nervosa
ARFID (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder)
Binge Eating Disorder
Bulimia Nervosa
OSFED (Other Specified Feeding and Eating Disorder)

Recognize the Signs

Obsessive calorie counting or tracking behaviors
Pouring over nutrition labels
Strict food rules
Preoccupation with body shape and size
Skipping meals or eating in secret
Excessive exercise
Secretive eating behaviors
Mood swings or irritability
Social withdrawal, depression, anxiety
Going to the bathroom directly after meals
Laxative abuse or other forms of purging (throwing up)
Extreme guilt or shame for eating “imperfectly” or out-of-control
Intense emotions or emotional shutdown
brittle nails or hair loss
changes to menstrual cycle
Changes in weight — please also note that “atypical” anorexia is more common than anorexia nervosa,
Atypical anorexia affects people in a variety of body shapes and sizes, and it’s important to note that an eating disorder can still be a serious mental health condition, without the client being medically “underweight”.

How Parents Can Support Their Child

Unconditional Love and Acceptance: Offer your child unwavering love and acceptance regardless of their appearance or struggles. Show them that your love is not tied to their weight or eating habits.
Active Listening and Open Communication: Create a safe space for your child to share their thoughts and emotions. Be an active listener, offering empathy and understanding without judgment.
Educate Yourself: Learn about eating disorders, body liberation, HAES, and intuitive eating. Understanding these principles will help you better support your child's journey to a positive body image and a healthier relationship with food.
Model Healthy Behavior: Demonstrate a balanced approach to food, exercise, and body image. Embrace intuitive eating and self-care practices to serve as a positive role model for your child.
Encourage them to practice self-care, such as getting enough sleep and engaging in enjoyable activities to help develop their identity outside of their eating disorder.
TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! Caring for a teen with an eating disorder can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and it’s so important to take time for yourself so that you can continue doing this work!

How to approach conversations and dynamics around food + body image

In addition to professional support, there are many things that parents can do at home to help their teen recover from an eating disorder. IMPORTANT! Getting education and parent coaching may be one of the most valuable ways you can support your child. These tips are broad, general tips, please take or leave what may fit into your home/family. If you have interest in parent coaching, please reach out for referrals!

Encourage regular meals and snacks: Help your child establish a regular eating routine, including three meals and two to three snacks per day.
Involve the teen in meal planning and preparation to give them a sense of autonomy (find a balance of challenging your teens food rules, while also prioritizing safety).
Provide structure and routine around meals, including regular meal times and consistent meal components.
Encourage your child to eat a variety of foods from all food groups. ALL FOODS FIT MENTALITY!
Avoid commenting on your child’s weight or appearance always, and especially during meals.
Provide emotional support during meals, such as non-judgmental care, reassurance, positive feedback, and distraction.
Address any resistance to eating, or purging behaviors, in a calm, caring, and non-judgmental manner. If your teen is vomiting after eating or using laxatives, it is imperative to get them specialized treatment. Don’t try to handle this on your own.
Avoid diet talk: Avoid talking about diets, calories, weight loss or gain, body size (yours included) or other topics that might trigger your teen’s eating disorder.
Promote positive body image. Encourage your teen to focus on living in their body rather than living to look at their body. Read up on body image to learn more.
Avoid judgmental comments: Avoid making negative comments about your child’s body or eating habits. Lead with care and active listening to understand what they are feeling.
Teach your child to recognize and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs about food, weight, and body image. Weight gain is typical in ED recovery - normalize that. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes - normalize that too!
Set realistic, non-weight-based, non-appearance-related goals and celebrate progress. If your child needs weight restoration, it is imperative to seek professional support.

Emotional Coaching for Parents

Empathy and Validation: Show empathy and validate your child's emotions, letting them know it's okay to feel what they're feeling. Use validating, compassionate communication to help your teen feel heard and understood.
Empower Them to Express Emotions: Encourage your child to express their emotions in a healthy way, emphasizing that emotions are a natural part of being human.
Teach Coping Strategies: Help your child develop healthy coping mechanisms, such as open communication, mindfulness, breathwork and other somatic practices, journaling, or engaging in creative arts/other hobbies.

Recommended Resources

Books:

"Body Kindness: Transform Your Health from the Inside Out—and Never Say Diet Again" by Rebecca Scritchfield
"Health at Every Size: The Surprising Truth About Your Weight" by Linda Bacon
"Intuitive Eating: 10 Principles for Nourishing a Healthy Relationship with Food" by Evelyn Tribole, MS, RDN, and Elyse Resch, MS, RDN, CED RD-S
Skills Based Caring for a Loved One with Eating Disorder: The New Maudsley Method
Parenting from the Inside Out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive.
How to Raise an Intuitive Eater -by Summer Brooks
Nearsighted: Choosing to See Eating Disorders Differently by Karen Smith
Sick Enough by Jennifer Gaudiani

Podcasts: